I used to be afraid if people were to discover that I have chronic pain. I believed that people were going to think less of me or show pity towards me. I was embarrassed to be a young woman with chronic pain. I falsely assumed that the older people are the only ones who experience chronic pain.
I am in my 20s. I should not be in pain everyday. My knees should not be hurting. My fingers should not feel stiff. This foot should not be swollen. My body should be functioning perfectly…
Fibromyalgia is an unusual neurological condition in which there is a hypersensitivity to pain due to the brain’s processing of pain signals.
I was officially diagnosed with fibromyalgia last summer, but for the past several years I was a hot potato going from one doctor to the other because no one knew the source of my pain. I had one doctor tell me that I was making things up and presumed that I might be a hypochondriac.
I don’t look like I’m in pain. I wear a really good smile and, praise God, I can still do a variety of tasks. All I need is to pace myself.
I experience fatigue everyday and I have trouble sleeping every now and then. And frustratingly, I have some “fibro fog” (problems with my memory and concentration).
This invisible illness is a new cross for me.
I have experienced some sad days, but anxiety is usually the trap that I fall myself into.
I want to do everything today. But I can’t because of my new limitations.
God has added a new layer in the fabric of my life.
I have trouble understanding who I am because chronic pain impacts ALL areas of my life.
I am sharing this with you because I have not welcomed my physical health into my journey with God.
I have not placed my trust in Jesus with this pain. In lieu, I have placed my faith in products that would temporarily alleviate my pain. These products are helpful, but if I don’t entrust my pain to Jesus, then I run the risk of controlling my physical healing. Which can cause anxiety and frustration.
I can’t run away from this cross. I am carrying it everyday…I feel it everyday. I have gotten used to feeling pain in my body, so that’s no problem for me. But now I feel the tug of my Lord, asking me to embrace my new body, embrace this new cross.